she looked like the bat from fern gully.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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