whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
