Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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