No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
