I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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