My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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