this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just pee around me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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