dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
