Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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