Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
