You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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