I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
