My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
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I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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