I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
