you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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