Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
