I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
