woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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