i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
