I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
