This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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