I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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