Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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