She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
