I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
