Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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