Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
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Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
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