No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
