guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
