1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
