he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
