Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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