I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
