hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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