drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
