i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We are two peas in an std pod
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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