Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
