you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
