What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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