I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
