the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
