KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?