We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
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You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."