that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I will be naked everywhere
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?