Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.