i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
