I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
