Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
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he told me I talked like a deaf person
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
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She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
is that a dick in a sweater?