Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
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I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
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GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So vagazzling was a success
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.