Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wish there were birth control emojis
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested