Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad