oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Randomize
