I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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