The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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