You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
