I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
