just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
