I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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