Everything about him screamed your future.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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