i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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