I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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