when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
