It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
