we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
