If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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