Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think I won the penis lottery.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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