I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
