There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
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we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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