Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
