Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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