grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
