So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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