we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
