Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
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Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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