I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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