Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
