Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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