Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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