I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
