god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
