we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
