Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
