Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
tequila makes me forget i have legs
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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