Whatcha textin bout Willis?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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