apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
