i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
